Monday, July 14, 2014

adult ABCs!

found via The Newly

A.    Attached or Single? Attached, obviously.

B.    Best Friend? I have three: Drew, my sister, and Laken

C.    Cake or pie? Cake, always, every time. Dulce Desserts in particular.

D.    Day of choice? Friday!

E.    Essential item? My phone. I panic without it! Although I do love yoga for its time away from electronics. 

F.    Favorite color? Coral.

G.    Gummy bears or worms? Bears.

H.    Hometown? Northwest of Nashville

I.    Favorite indulgence? Ice cream.

J.    January or July? July without a shadow of a doubt.

K.    Kids? Cats!

L.    Life isn’t complete without? Drew.

M.    Marriage date? July 21, 2012.

N.    Number of brothers/sisters? One sister.

O.    Oranges or Apples? Apples!

P.     Phobias? Broken teeth.

Q.    Quotes? "May the lives of all with whom we come in contact be happier and richer because of us."

R.    Reasons to smile? God is good, all the time.

S.    Season of choice?  SUMMER ALWAYS EVERYDAY

T.   Tag 5 People. No thanks.

U.    Unknown fact about me? I hate TV. Despise. The only thing I will willingly watch is Modern Family. But preferably on DVD.

V.    Vegetable? It's a fruit but I don't care - avocado.

W.    Worst habit? Forgetfulness due to selfishness.

X.    Xray or Ultrasound? Ultrasound? Haven't ever had X-rays but I've had ultrasounds when I was little.

Y.    Your favorite food? Mexican. 

Z.    Zodiac sign? Leo!

Monday, October 21, 2013

where did the time go?

It's fall, y'all! And now that wedding season is over for KDE, I'm planning for the fabulous holidays ahead. Thanksgiving is my absolute favorite, with Christmas coming in at a close second.

I'm making a holiday binder (a la Elledopholis & Mom) and looking for all the fabulous recipes of yore... Christmas cookies and Thanksgiving stuffing galore.


What are your favorite holiday traditions? Comment below!

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

august 2013 update:: 101 in 1001

Oh good gracious! It's almost already been 1001 days!
  1. Read the bible every night for 3 months, consecutively.
  2. Read two faith-related relationship/marriage books a year.
  3. Attend church every Sunday for 3 months, consecutively.
  4. Go an entire day without cussing, on five different occasions {0/5}.
  5. Go an entire day without complaining, on five different occasions {0/5}.
  6. Give someone a compliment every day for three months, consecutively.
  7. Put change in someone’s expired meter.
  8. Send two handwritten letters a month for six months.
  9. Only use reusable bags at the grocery store.
  10. Plant a tree.
  11. Walk to work five times {0/5}.
  12. Work on a Habitat Build.
  13. Organize a charity gala.
  14. Participate in Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure every year {0/3}.
  15. Join the Junior League.
  16. Write three letters complimenting excellent service {0/3}.
  17. Start a retirement fund.
  18. Keep my room clean every day for three weeks {0/3}
  19. Read twelve classics I haven’t read before {0/12}.
  20. Read ten nonfiction books {0/10}.
  21. Buy flowers for myself on five different occasions {0/5}.
  22. Take a flower-arranging course or shadow a florist.
  23. Learn calligraphy.
  24. Learn to quilt.
  25. Frame Drew’s poetry or songs.
  26. Get a manicure or pedicure.
  27. Get a professional massage.
  28. Take a walk once a week {0/132}.
  29. Call my grandmother once a week {0/132}.
  30. Call my sister once a week {0/132}.
  31. Complete a ten-week regime of good habit-building {0/10}.
  32. Don’t eat out for a month.
  33. Try five new restaurants {5/5}.
  34. Don’t spend any more money than ABSOLUTELY necessary for a month.
  35. Complete the Daniel Fast for the entire Lent season.
  36. Do hot yoga every day for an entire month.
  37. Do not eat fast food for an entire year.
  38. Take a multivitamin every day for a month.
  39. Exercise three times a week for three months.
  40. Stretch every morning for two weeks {0/14}.
  41. Complete the 100 Push-Up Challenge.
  42. Go white-water rafting once every summer {0/3}.
  43. Achieve and maintain a healthy, happy weight.
  44. Practice yoga three times a week for three months {3/3}.
  45. Go to free yoga classes on Saturday weekly for two months {0/2}.
  46. Do an exercise video three times a week for three months.
  47. Get eight hours of sleep every night for two weeks.
  48. Go to 2 One-to-One Apple classes a month for a year.
  49. Create a business plan.
  50. Be on time to class every day for a month.
  51. Attend every class for a month.
  52. Answer the 50 Questions that Will Free Your Mind.
  53. Apply for dream jobs. Ask for professional help with applications.
  54. Facilitate 3 photo shoots for StudioWed.
  55. Make headboard for my apartment bedroom.
  56. Get my own apartment.
  57. Tailgate at a Southern football game.
  58. Attend Steeplechase or the Kentucky Derby.
  59. Go to a church class once a week for two months or the duration of the class.
  60. Attend services at Fellowship Christian Church.
  61. Put together a portfolio of projects I’ve worked on, personal and professional.
  62. Get a real full-time job!
  63. Send out holiday cards to friends and family.
  64. Buy cowgirl boots.
  65. Stay in a bed and breakfast.
  66. Visit Charleston, SC.
  67. Visit Savannah, GA.
  68. Visit Lawrence, KS.
  69. Go on a cruise.
  70. Go camping.
  71. Make a list of things I don’t like about myself, and try to fix them.
  72. Make a list of things I wish I was, and try to be them.
  73. Have a dinner by candelight.
  74. Attempt to whiten teeth.
  75. Buy or receive a tailored suit.
  76. Graduate cum laude in May 2011.
  77. Wear only dresses for two weeks.
  78. Try something new once a month {0/33}.
  79. Host a dinner party.
  80. Host an Italian-themed dinner party.
  81. Eat ten dishes or foods I’ve never tried before {0/10}.
  82. Make biscuits from scratch.
  83. Make a loaf of bread from scratch.
  84. Pick fruit at a pick-your-own farm and do something with it.
  85. Visit two states I’ve never been to.
  86. Spend a weekend away with Drew.
  87. Plant a vegetable garden, even if very small.
  88. Go to NYC.
  89. See a Broadway play.
  90. See the Martha Stewart Show live.
  91. Be a bridesmaid or maid of honor.
  92. Write in my journal once a week for six months {0/6}.
  93. Post daily blogs for two months.
  94. Comment on wedding blogs three times a week for three months.
  95. Comment on favorite blogs three times a week for three months.
  96. Subscribe to wedding magazines.
  97. Print professional pictures of Drew & myself.
  98. Get engaged.
  99. Get professional engagement pictures taken.
  100. Donate $1 to charity for every item on my list not completed.
  101. Create a new 101 in 1001 list.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

hello neester

Sweet Poppy Jane, you are my favorite little girl in the whole wide world.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013


PS: I stayed in my standing bow pose for the entire minute today at yoga. STRONG! I may not have attended a class in a week and a half, but I STILL GOT IT!

Also.... hot yoga teacher training. HAPPENING. Coming:  This July/August. I will be spending our first wedding anniversary, my 24th birthday, and our 6th dating anniversary in a fourteen-hour-long yoga class. BUT... IT WILL BE WORTH IT!

AKD early-anniversary trip recap!

Oh my heavens! What a vacation! As you can assume, Drew and I are back in the states and settled back into somewhat of a routine after our trip to the gorgeous Dominican Republic. We immensely enjoyed spending consecutive hours together (WOO HOO!), going on an adventure, and exploring a new place together. He had the whole week off, so when we returned home late Wednesday evening (or rather, Thursday EARLY) morning we stayed in "vacation mode" until he had to return to work, and visited family, hung out together, enjoyed some friends, and went to church.


{Drew & I eating Dominican breakfasts outside our hotel room! Yum!}

The trip wasn't exactly what we expected -- or perhaps the resort wasn't exactly what we expected, having gone to its sister resort for our honeymoon. At Cancun, we felt that the club upgrade was well worth the money, that the mojitos were the best things we'd ever tasted, among other things. Punta Cana was very different (while still keeping with some of the same restaurants, excellent customer service, and OVERALL ridiculously luxurious feel) -- the blended drinks were MONEY (oh my gosh, those Coco Locos!), the actual sand and water clarity was much superior, and the club wasn't really worth getting. I plan to write a full side-by-side comparison of the two resorts for my company blog (for couples comparing resorts for their honeymoons!), but there's a general gist of some of the differences.

We definitely took a different approach towards this vacation as opposed to our previous trip on our honeymoon. We spent half the time we were at Excellence Riviera Cancun at Excellence Punta Cana, so we had to really make the most of every day to maximize our experience. We got in around 3PM on Sunday and left before 1PM on Wednesday, to give you a reference. We decided to enhance our experience that we'd double up on dinners at the resort (to try new places and get our money's worth of food & beverage!), wake up early to see the sunrise every day and spend 10 - 12 hours on the beach, and take advantage of some of our favorite things from Cancun:  room service fajitas and breakfasts, checking out the Martini bar, walking on the beach and around the resort grounds, etc. We packed our days with maximum beach time, I had copious amounts of coconut drinks, and we got to see a lot of the gorgeous landscaping and island features on our walks.

{The first of two pina coladas I had on the trip -- surprisingly enough, the coconut drinks I had the most of were coco locos and Playa Blancas. DELICIOUS!}

Neither of us were ever intoxicated or SICKLY full (both of which happened pretty much on a daily basis on our honeymoon) on this trip. I made sure to pace myself with drinking, spacing out with bottled water and drinking the less-liqoured up tasty treats. I paced myself with dinner, too, knowing that if we were eating TWO dinners, I could just eat a few bites to taste and enjoy a plate without feeling like I needed to gorge. I didn't stick very much to the restrictions list I made in advance on here, but I used it as a rough guideline and was thrilled with how I controlled myself.

{Drew and I enjoying our dinner at Spice. I wore my hair like this every single day and LOVED it!}

Also, despite drinking probably liters of coconut creme and Malibu (as well as eating filet mignon, orange salmon, and shrimp & steak fajitas), I managed to gain ZERO WEIGHT WHATSOEVER on our whole vacation! That's even after coming back to the states and having dessert at my parents' place and eating beaucoups of Mexican food (as usual). Working out so much pre-vacation may not have reduced my poundage in advance, but it sure did help with damage prevention! :) I think my attitude adjustment two days before we left helped, too... When I'm not obsessing about what I'm eating and how I'm exercising, I'm less likely to overindulge because I feel like I have to compensate for something. It's such a messed up cycle.
{some of the livestock we saw on our way into the resort -- seeing cattle and palm trees was so bizarre!}

We had such a good time! Now, back to reality...

Friday, April 19, 2013

a lesson in appreciation:: 2 days and counting

I got wrangled into modeling for the styled shoot I worked on yesterday in Birmingham. We didn't have a hair & makeup artist, so I had to look as-is. Which meant, normal, growing-out-a-short-haircut hair that hasn't been highlighted since December. A not-super-skinny body. The makeup I was already wearing. But you know what? God's been giving me lessons. Like TRUSTING Him. Instead of ME. Because, left to my own devices, I'm a hot mess.

He still thinks I'm beautiful. He thinks I'm adequate. He thinks I'm a lovely little person created in His image. He made me the way that I am. He didn't make a mistake in making me.

So often I believe absolute lies about who I am. I believe lies about what I look like, what I'm worth, and what I'll become. Last night, driving by myself for three hours, left to my own thoughts, I was feeling at the bottom of the well. I legitimately convinced myself (or let the enemy convince myself, rather) that I was not good at ANYTHING. That's right, folks, ANYTHING. Not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not fit or athletic enough, not good at singing or dancing, not a good wedding planner or designer, not smart enough, not hardworking enough. Not a good wife or homemaker. I just kept digging a deeper and deeper hole of self-pity and deprecation. You know what? There's no gratitude in that. There's no thankfulness in that. There's no acknowledging blessings in that.

What a miserable place to be. 

I legitimately could have ruined my upcoming vacation for myself and for Drew by obsessing over how I look the whole time I'm there. I could go and weigh myself every morning (they have scales in the rooms), berate myself for eating and drinking enjoyable things, binge because I'm miserable and repeat the cycle, refuse to go out in public in a swimsuit... so many things. But here's the thing about obsessing over how I look:  Nobody else gives a SHIT what I look like. Not even Drew. Well, he might give a little shit, but that's not why he loves me. He wants me to be healthy so I can live a long life and be active enough to do fun things with him. He wants me to take care of myself and be a good example of a well-rounded, happy mother when we have kids. He wants to be delighted in me... but that doesn't require a certain number on the scale.

I really do love pictures of myself where I'm laughing. I have a friend who once pointed at a picture like that of me and said something offhandedly about how I probably didn't like it... but I do. Even if I'm not 120 pounds or wearing a lot of beautiful makeup or even wearing all that flattering of an outfit... I love laughing pictures of myself. Drew and I call it my "rabid honey badger face" because you can see all of my teeth (seriously) and I kind of look like I'm trying to eat the camera, but it makes me smile. It reminds me how God designed me to be. Happy. Joyful. Dwelling in His blessings. Appreciative of them. You can always tell when I'm fake smiling in pictures. But when I'm laughing? Undeniable joy. Even if it's just for a minute. I laughed a lot in Drew's and my engagement session. And even more on our wedding day. Oh, how I cherish all those laughing portraits on our wedding day! They're my FAVORITE. I love Drew's laughing portraits too. Oh, they make me so happy! Like our first look picture, when he first saw me. Swoon. He has the best smile I have EVER seen, EVER IN THE HISTORY OF EVERNESS.

So, I'm not going to obsess over my fitness for the next two days before I go to the Dominican Republic with my beloved husband. I'm just going to appreciate all of my limbs, all of the glorious things God designed my body to do, all of the blessings that have been undeservedly bestowed upon me, and just thank Him for them all. That's called giving it up to Him, finally. I'm sure I'll deal with this on and off for a long time... but today, I'm giving it over to Him. One day at a time. I do believe He has the power to help me get over this unhealthy obsession once and for all, and eventually He will give me that total freedom so much that I never have to worry or needlessly suffer again. There are bigger fish to fry in the kingdom. This hasn't even got a modicum of importance in any larger scheme of life.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

workin' on my fitness:: 4 days and counting

Awesome article to start my day off!

Wednesday, April 17, 2013 - 4 Days to Vacation

{enjoying the sub-tropical weather here in Tennessee... 85 degrees! in April!}

Feeling:  Feeling still a little defeated on the weight front. I've gained half a pound or something, which I have to think is muscle weight but who knows. Maybe my PMS is making me retain water. Or maybe I'm just not doing well eating. Boo. Regardless, I had a little "f*** it" attitude after I weighed myself this morning and tried not to worry too much. It is what it is. I'm still fit.

Feeling, non-food-related:  Had a good day! Taught a yoga class, went to the mall, had coffee with a friend. Paid the bills.

Activity: Taught a very low-intensity yoga class this morning. Walked around the mall one time at Opry Mills. Hoping to do something with Drew when he gets home tonight.

Eating: Cereal and strawberries and milk for breakfast. A chocolate banana Starbucks smoothie for lunch. Some sautéed peppers and black beans when I got home, a plum, and a half a cup of lemon bliss ice cream. We're having Mexican again for dinner tonight. We eat Mexican probably 6 out of 7 nights a week. It's a problem.

Giving up control to the Lord:  I haven't been conscientiously trying to pray about it and give it up to Him... so that's probably why I'm failing. Sucks. I need to read my Bible and the God Loves Ugly book. Seriously.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

workin' on my fitness:: 5 days and counting

SERIOUSLY? Five days?!?? in FIVE days I'll be on the beach?!?! Oh my gosh!!!! I am in complete disbelief! And so excited! I hope it doesn't fly by!!!!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013 - 5 Days to Vacation

{moment of desperation last night}

Feeling:  So, yesterday I was really down about working SO hard for a week and seeing literally ZERO change on the scale. (It was 130.6 still -- EXACTLY the same as the Monday prior.) I felt so frustrated and discouraged (read: ungrateful), and PMS exacerbated the situation and made it feel like the world was ending and I'd ruined our trip by not being skinnier. Dumb. I walked into noon yoga today and my instructor told me to not be so hard on myself. So apparently the frustration and defeatedness was pretty obvious... no good. Kaci gave me a swift kick in the pants of appreciation (in addition to Nora's wise words: "You're here now!") and I changed my attitude completely. I had a great yoga class and afternoon, ate well, and went for a walk with a friend this afternoon. I am happy, grateful, and even if I made not weigh less, I'm hella fit right now! My stamina is awesome, I'm so much stronger than I've been in years, and my legs look freaking great. APPRECIATION!

Feeling, non-food-related:  Wasn't in the best of spirits this morning, but happy now. Endorphins! Also got a short nap this afternoon pre-walk. I can't believe we're only 5 days away from the Dominican!!!!!!!!!

Activity: Attended a noon 60-minute yoga class and walked five miles with a friend! Feeling awesome and in shape!

{Sweaty after yoga today}

Eating: Half a banana, a cup of oatmeal, a small bowl of homemade veggie lo mein, strawberries, a plum, lots of bell pepper slices, and we're having homemade burritos tonight!

Giving up control to the Lord:  Had a back-to-reality check. Doing much better with this now.

Monday, April 15, 2013

workin' on my fitness:: 6 days and counting

Monday, April 15, 2013 - 6 Days to Vacation

{angry. frustrated. PMSing.}

Feeling:  FRUSTRATED. I did not stick to my good behavior this weekend and now I'm afraid all my efforts have just been in vain because I SUCKED at eating well and staying active this weekend. My frustration hasn't helped my eating today, either. BOO.

Feeling, non-food-related:  I'm PMSing, so I'm emotionally all over the place. Insanely depressed, then fine the next second. This weekend was rough with my mood swings. Boo.

Activity: Did back to back yoga classes this morning. Not feeling good about it because of the above reasons.

Eating: Cereal, banana, milk. Chocolate banana smoothie. An entire avocado and a bunch of tortilla chips. A half cup of lemon bliss Bluebell ice cream, just because I hated myself today.

Giving up control to the Lord:  Just frustrated. Not trusting the Lord to take care of me through this. Ignoring my body's natural cues. Annoyed. Angry. Sad.

Friday, April 12, 2013

workin' on my fitness:: 9 days and counting

Friday, April 12, 2013 - 9 Days to Vacation

{officially in the single digits - eeee!}

Feeling:  Woke up this morning to my mom calling, telling me to get up and get ready because we were taking an impromptu HIKING day with some of her work friends! The vast majority of my day was spent driving to the meeting spot (and getting lost, thanks to GoogleMaps and a Target that is now closed), riding to the beautiful city of Sewanee, hiking almost four miles, traipsing through the woods and swamplands to see Bluebell Island (which was unreachable due to flooded chicken water... don't ask, haha)... Then it was errand running time, birthday dinner for my Little, and now chill time with the huz. So not much time for scrutinizing my figure or caring about feeling fat or skinny! :) Awesome day!

Feeling, non-food-related:  Good! See above!

Activity: Hiked almost 4 miles today with Mom! It wasn't what I had expected or planned for, but I was happy to change things up and do a teensy bit of asana in the wilderness!

{my standing bow at the overlook!}

Eating: Mmm -- today was DELICIOUS! I had cereal, half banana, skim milk for breakfast (along with iced cafe au lait), a chunky peanut butter apricot sandwich and pistachios and cocoa-covered almonds and a clementine for lunch, a mocha light frappuccino with light whip to get me through the afternoon (so sleepy!), and dinner of delicious bowtie pasta and a glass of my favorite wine, and TIRAMISU for dessert. Today was DEFINITELY a "cheat" day (or just indulgent), but ohmygosh so tasty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tiramisu is my fave!!!

Giving up control to the Lord:  Considering how today I didn't think twice about indulging in some delicious treats, I think I'm doing pretty good. Maybe not so awesome at trusting God to take care of me when I DON'T give in to the desires to eat.... but still. You only live once. I've worked hard this week and will continue to do so. I'm not perfect but there's progress. I'm not saying ABSOLUTELY NOT, which means I'm less likely to want to binge. I'm happy, so whatevs!!!!! :)

Thursday, April 11, 2013

workin' on my fitness:: 10 days and counting

Thursday, April 11, 2013 - 10 Days to Vacation

Feeling:  Woke up feeling skinny today (isn't that funny how my mind messes with me on a day to day basis?). Well, maybe not SKINNY exactly, but less bloated than in days past. Longer and leaner than earlier this week! Still feeling sore this morning from all my activities. My left foot has an annoying blister right below my toes, so that's no good. I have slept like a BABY lately -- took a nap yesterday afternoon and still fell asleep super easily when I went to bed at 10:30 last night. 

Feeling, non-food-related:  Got to see a lovely wedding vendor-friend this morning and catch up! Funny enough, she mentioned in passing that she and her husband have been looking for a personal yoga instructor to come to their home to teach them some beginner poses on a weekly basis. I told her I was planning to go to yoga teacher training when it's offered in May/early summer at my favorite studio, and after talking over her wants/needs and my experience/abilities, I'll be working as her instructor at least for a little bit (as long as she likes me! ;) and then building upon those private lessons once I'm a certified teacher! This has been such a blessing -- it's an absolute dream of mine to instruct and I'm so excited to be helping a friend pursue her health goals and enrich her life!!!!! Delving hardcore into my personal practice has really been eye-opening for the challenges ahead in teacher training... what perfect timing for everything!

Activity: I decided today would be a good rest day, after five heated yoga classes in three days earlier this week! Planning to go strong tomorrow morning with a double dose of Bikram (this time, DEFINITELY eating a banana or smoothie in-between!). I'm hoping that once Drew returns from work, we can do some light kettlebells or go to our apartment's gym facilities to weight lift and work on machines. He's not so keen on the gym, so we'll see how that goes. It's a shame the rain won't let out today, so no walks this evening. :(

{my standing bow pulling pose! gotta get something in for today!}

[Edit: Drew and I did some kettlebells and I did some home practice vinyasa yoga. My legs are DYING and I will not be able to walk tomorrow.]

Eating: I had my signature Special K cereal this morning (with half a banana) and made black bean nachos for lunch. (No, they haven't gotten "old" yet, and yes, I'm officially out of the black bean taco filling... so no more monotonous meals, I promise!) Black beans and onions, tortilla chips, queso fresco, and some tasty salsa? Delicioso! Sadly we ran out of avocado yesterday so no guac today. :( I'm really not hungry for dinner, but we'll see what we decide to eat. It'll probably be an asparagus, zucchini, and brussels sprouts supper!

[Edit: Leftover half of a burrito for dinner. I have eaten more Mexican food (black beans and rice, particularly) this week than ever! Geez!]

Giving up control to the Lord:  God has been blessing me insurmountably lately! I can't get over how wonderful He is and how blessed we are. Despite my insecurities and "feelings" of fat and skinny, I've been dedicated to not scrutinizing my weight by getting on a scale. I know He is faithful and if I put in the work, I will see the results. He's been wonderful for providing my self-control when it comes to sweets. I haven't felt inclined to binge on anything (even when I have very small portions of tasty things), I've been listening to my body's cravings for water and food, I know when I need more food for energy and when I'm exerting myself too much, and when in doubt, I drink sh*t tons of water! It's AMAZING how He created the human body to be able to give brain signals when it needs something... if only we were more aware of those signals, think of how better off we'd be! He is good, He is good indeed!

Today, Day 10 (out from vacation day), is particularly significant for me because that was the time period I had to go from 128 --> 123 right before our wedding. I know weight is just a number and that controlling numbers shouldn't control ME... but it still gives me hope that I can make enough incremental changes over the next week and a half to be totally happy with my figure before I hit the beach. (And set myself up for success for the bikini season to come!) I just want to be confident and fit and content enough to not have to worry about my weight and figure come vacation time. No one likes someone who's constantly concerned about how she looks (and therefore self-centered and just a douche to hang out with). I'm hoping to work hard enough to not have to worry, and also to have the faith that whatever I weigh or look like, I'm still a treasure in God's eyes and that's all that matters. It's a daily struggle. I don't want to be vain and care most about how skinny I am on any given day. It's hard. .... so there. I'm not perfect, I won't ever be perfect. God, just let me be more like you. Give me your cares and take mine away. Let me be most concerned with building your kingdom, not fulfilling my own selfish desires.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

workin' on my fitness:: 11 days and counting

Wednesday, April 10, 2013 - 11 Days to Vacation

{super sweaty Kelly after last night's intensely hot hot yoga class. ew sweat, but YEAH workin' out!}

Feeling: Woke up feeling self-conscious about my arms. (For no apparent reason.) I know I'm working hard, eating well, and trusting Him to take care of me, but I just had a moment of "My arms feel so big right now." Drew thinks it's absolutely stupid -- he thought it was downright absurd that my ARMS would be a place of insecurity for me. And honestly, it is pretty stupid. Who the hell cares what my arms look like besides me, anyways? It's not like I have elephantiasis (note: I tried to spell that "elephantitis" but it autocorrected me. I have no idea if that ^ is an actual word). It's not like my arms are disproportionately large in comparison with the rest of my body. I am extremely blessed to have two working, healthy, muscular arms that are strong enough to support my body in downward facing dog. No broken bones. No eczema (something I struggled with a little in college). Just awesome, strong, healthy arms with good veins for drawing blood.
Besides that, my body can tell it's been working hard and I'm sore in the best possible way -- not so much debilitating, just feeling aware of every muscle fibre, enjoying stretching... awesome. Yesterday was more sore than today.
Last night I felt sick to my stomach after I took my birth control pill (blegh! hormones suck!) and it still sucked until I ate breakfast this morning, but ah well.

Feeling, non-food-related: This weather has been INSANELY lovely. I've been enjoying it profusely, sitting out on the back patio eating breakfast and typing by the glow of candlelight. :) I really enjoyed going to an evening class of yoga last night. It kept me from wanting to snack all night long (although I was hungry enough to eat a smoothie, chips and guac, and two bites of Drew's turkey wrap post-yoga) and wiped me out enough to let me go to sleep ASAP. Ahhh!

Activity: I'm planning another yoga-packed morning with a 9:30 and noon class for today. I love days that are flexible enough schedule-wise to allow me to double up!

[Edit: Went to both classes! I didn't eat anything in-between them this time, which was a HUGE mistake! I felt absolutely faint during the noon class and seriously wondered if I'd be able to make it through. I also went for a walk around Edwin Warner Park with Drew after he left work, which resulted in blisters.]

Eating: Cereal, milk and banana for breakfast.

[Edit: Scarfed down two black bean tacos when I got home after my noon yoga class. Had lots of strawberries and blackberries, and had chips, guac, salsa, and sparkling grape juice for dinner!]

Giving up control to the Lord: I have a lovely book "God Loves Ugly" I think I should probably re-read while I'm working on this. Work on my body issues whilst working on my fitness. Seems like a winning combo to me!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

workin' on my fitness:: 12 days and counting

Tuesday, April 9, 2013 - 12 Days to Vacation

Feeling: Felt really confident this morning in my skin. Midday cravings for ice cream (after a healthy lunch of veggies & quinoa) gave me false confidence for a minute ("Oh, I could totally eat some of this and be fine! I'm so close to my goal..."), but I quickly remembered I'm on day TWO of exercising self-control, not day FOURTEEN. I will definitely be enjoying delicious food on our anniversary trip (and a hefty dose of mojitos), so I need to put myself in a good place before that to be able to enjoy what I eat and drink guilt-free. It's easy for me to convince myself I've been doing well for such a long time (even when it's only been a couple of days), so I need to be extra conscientious about what I'm eating and doing when the weekend comes. Learning habits! One step at a time, one meal at a time, one craving subsided at a time.

Feeling, non-food-related: Happy, positive about life. The weather's still nice, I'm enjoying what I'm doing, found out good news today about another shoot I worked on last month (exciting!!!). I have to watch my desires to shop -- I might be replacing the void food and sweets usually fill with the desires to buy things (struggle). I'm good about NOT actually buying the things I lust over, but I need to watch the desires of my heart.

Activity: I tried to make it to the noon hot yoga class this morning, but my morning business meeting lasted just a couple (literally) minutes too long for me to make it. I have an afternoon meeting at 3:30, so hopefully I can either make it to the 4:30 class (long shot) or 6:30. I'm doing some weight training at our apartment complex to get SOMETHING in. Definitely feeling like doubling up on yoga yesterday has kick-started a mentality of seriousness about physical activity. YAY!

[Edit:  I was able to make it to the 6:30 75-min hot yoga class! It was the hottest I've ever been in (something was up with the heater) and I almost passed out several times -- had to sit out at least twice -- but it was rewarding and challenging and ass-kicking! Haven't done much weight training but at least I got my yoga in!]

Eating: I did have a small slice of carrot cake last night -- and I'm feeling no regrets! I have to practice saying no to daily treats like ice cream when it's in the house (I want to bake pretty badly too), but I'm doing better today than I have in previous weeks. I have been eating healthy today -- cereal and milk, a cappuccino, quinoa & veggies "fried rice" style. Having a glass of wine with a business colleague for my afternoon meeting and planning to serve black bean tacos for dinner (I'm thinking). Late nights and afternoons are the hardest for me to stay on track, so I'm focusing on doing other things to keep my mind off of eating mindlessly!

[Edit: I had a black bean taco before yoga class and a homemade cocoa-banana-strawberry smoothie after my shower. Ahhh!]

Giving up control to the Lord: One way I gave up control to the Lord today was by curbing my desire to weigh myself this morning. When I try to control my body completely on my own, I like to obsess over figures and numbers and those results subsequently control my mood and outlook on life. I can get so mean and distracted and angry when I see numbers I don't like (just ask Drew!). Instead of trying to micromanage my eating and exercising "results," I weighed myself at the start of this effort, and I'll weigh myself at the end. (I did that the days leading up to my wedding, too, and it worked well for me!) There's no use in obsessing over figures right now. If I'm trusting the Lord that treating my body respectfully and healthfully will result in a more favorable outcome (nearing my goals/getting to happy healthy weight), I don't have to weigh myself every day and critique my body. Oh life!

{Reminder: The end is attainable! Photo from our honeymoon! :) }

Vacation Musings for the day...

I have to decide what I'm going to wholeheartedly ENJOY on our anniversary trip and what I should refrain from, in order to avoid feeling overstuffed/bloated/sick/food-hungover. While Drew and I ADORED everything we got to eat on our honeymoon, I definitely overindulged day after day after day, and felt miserable by evening. (Not fun!) We know we'll be enjoying delicious food on our upcoming anniversary trip -- the question is just what's worth indulging in? What can we get back home that isn't worth the calories and full-feeling?

Saying yes to:
mojitos (with a glass or bottle of water in between each!)
soup & salads
fajitas (if I have to go with Mexican, it ought to be fresh and veggie-filled!)
ONLY desserts that are amazingly delicious (why take up mojito calories on crappy dessert?)
Japanese food
French food
french toast (one slice will do!)
drinks on the rocks (top shelf margaritas, mojitos, etc)
water with dinner
anything in a coconut!!!!!!
nice restaurants (NOT buffets)
eating enjoyable full meals (NOT snacking)

Saying no to:
BREAD! (rolls are not worth it!)
sugared-down regular coffee
desserts that aren't tasty (one bite, determine if it's actually good enough to continue eating!)
Mexican food
Italian food
so-so hors d'ouevres
peanut butter anything
cereal, yogurt, or anything boring
bland pastries
blended drinks (pina coladas, dacquiris, frozen margaritas)
long island iced teas (not worth it, and who wants to get drunk fast on vacation?!)
fruit (this might sound anti-health, but I'd rather eat veggies & seafood and the occasional treat than load up on fruit that isn't sublime)
"drinks of the day" (this goes with blended drinks, but really? not so worth it.)
ice cream (I can get better ice cream at home)
rice (small portions only!)
diet food (I AM going on VACATION!)
M&Ms and chips (ie, snacking)

Ultimately, I don't want to walk around with a list of do's and don'ts... I don't want to maniacally control everything on our VACATION.... but I also want to make what I enjoy ENJOYABLE, and not feel sick. I want to be feeling at my prime the whole time we're away!

Monday, April 8, 2013

workin' on my fitness:: 13 days and counting

Start: Monday, April 8, 2013 - 13 Days to Vacation

Weight: 130.6 lbs
Height: 5'7"
Pant Size: 4
Dress Size: 2

post-workouts today
{these look like mugshots -- yikes!! haha!}

Feeling: Insecure to be in the 130s, weight-wise. My happy place is 125 (range between 123 - 127) -- a range I've maintained for a year and a half, happily -- but since January hit I've slowly creeped up to 130. Between cakes and working from home (and thus staying more sedentary), my proximity to the kitchen hasn't been doing me much favors. I've been pretty low energy, but yoga has been helping. Today in particular, I'm happy to be alive, loving the lovely weather, but sleepy. Sleepiness hit about 3:45/4:00PM, but I'm keeping my eyes open:)

Feeling, non-food-related: Happy and positive about my life. Excited to be traveling with Drew in a couple weeks. (Excited doesn't really even begin to describe it.) Trucking through work assignments (PAID!). Loving the weather, being at home, being with my cats. Excited and nervous to see my parents tonight.

Activity: This morning I went to two yoga classes -- a 75-minute power vinyasa flow and a 60-minute Bikram.

Eating: I'm definitely not depriving myself of food with a higher level of physical activity. I had cereal, milk, and a banana for breakfast, a smoothie in-between classes, and some vegan two-way chili for lunch (with strawberries for dessert). I need to drink more water (feeling dehydrated despite my large glasses of H20 this morning). We're having dinner at my parents' place tonight! Needing a hefty dose of self-control to say no to Mom's carrot cake. Considering one bite versus completely abstaining. (What's worse? Can I train myself to moderate?)

Giving up control to the Lord: This is an arena in my life where I do feel out of control and in desperate need of a Savior to lead the way. Certain things are motivating when it comes to my own self-control (vacations, my own wedding, etc) but most of the time if it's just me and my own insecurity, my behavior doesn't change. A lot of time I try to "give up" control to the Lord but continue to eat whatever I want and be as lazy as I want because I've "given it up." That obviously doesn't work. I think there's much to be said for giving up the desire to obsess and critique and criticize over my weight and habits -- but at the same time, I need to practice self-control and TRUST that the Lord will take care of my needs even when I don't get what I want. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. My pastor spoke about practicing righteousness (since we're NO good at it on our own). This is so true... I'm terrible about being a good Christian and doing the things necessary to be one, when it's just me. I have to ask Christ to teach me how to be more like Him, and I need to PRACTICE exercising self-control.

workin' on my fitness {the plan}

So, I've been working on four consecutive months of yoga (Bikram and some varieties of flow yoga/ashtanga/vinyasa/Christian/etc). I am currently on my third month! It has been absolutely wonderful, lovely, fabulous, excellent and makes me SO HAPPY. I can tell I'm SO much stronger and fitter than I've been in years, my yoga practice has improved tremendously (in contrast to doing yoga for 8 years and hot yoga for 3 years off and on, without much consistency), and it's been incredible for stress and anxiety. HOWEVER... I am not my fittest/leanest-looking due to my diet. I eat mostly healthy but have a killer sweet tooth and occasionally overindulge in delicious restaurant food or just rich dishes we cook at home. I could definitely be more portion-conscious and conscientious about WHAT I'm eating (if I'd just choose SOME things to indulge in and not ALL, I'd be a lot better off!). Moderation is key! To kick-start better habits and an early anniversary celebration vacation, I'm kicking my workouts into high gear and watching what I eat.

Over the summer, on the ten days right before we got married, I started watching my food intake (limiting sugar + bread + alcohol) and went to a grand total of FOUR hot yoga classes (doubled up the first day, then went twice later), and I lost five pounds and was thrilled to death with my figure.

I've worked out enough to build up a good amount of lean muscle tone. My body is the type that will show it EASILY and QUICKLY as long as I eat well (and LOW SUGAR). I just need to limit the sugar & overeating, and I'll see the fruits of my labors from the past couple of months. Here goes nothing!!

{The goal:  Look like this! Honeymoon bikini bod!}

possible physical activities & locations:
weight training {lexington gym}
hot yoga, twice daily {fahrenheit}
kettlebells {dellinger home}
walks {edwin warner}
lunges & squats & dumbbells {dellinger home}


9:30 power vinyasa flow (75)
12:00 hot yoga (60)

6:30 hot yoga (75)

9:30 power vinyasa flow (75)
12:00 hot yoga (60)

4:30 hot yoga (75)

9:30 hot yoga (75)
12:00 hot yoga (60)

9:30 hot yoga (90)